It all starts with “Dad, is the Queen in charge of everything in the world?” You know you’re in for a long conversation, and so the seminar begins. Constitutional Monarchy 101, with Professor Grifflet, 4.

“No son, the Queen’s not in charge of everything in the world, just everything in this country.”

“Like Mam is?”

“Sort of. She’s kind of in charge but she has to do what Mr Cameron says.”

“You called Mr Cameron bad names, Dad. You did. When he was on the radio in the car.”

“Mea culpa. But I don’t want to hear you using those words. It’s called the Crown In Parliament.”

“With the clock?”

“Yup.”

“Is Mam the Queen? Mam’s in charge of us.”

“No son, the Queen is Elizabeth.”

“Not Elsa? Elsa’s the Queen.”

“Not in this country. Elizabeth is the Queen in this country.”

“The one who gave Grandpa his medal?”

“Yes.”

“Does she live in a Palace?”

“Yes. But not an ice palace, before we ask.”

“How is she the Queen?”

“Because her Dad was the King. Then he died.”

“Sort of like Simba?”

“Sort of. Her dad was King George. When he died, she became Queen.

“Like Elsa?”

“Yes. And then her son will be King one day.”

“I bet he just can’t wait to be King” [cue lusty singing of The Lion King and hilarious laughter.]

“Many a true word spoken. What’s his name?”

“King Roland.”

“No.Try again.”

“King Triton?”

“No. He’s Prince Charles and one day he will be King.”

“Oh. And then his son?”

“Yes. He’s William.”

“And he’s the one who’s married to Lovely Kate, Dad?”

“That’s the one. And then his baby son will be King one day. What’s his name?”

“Baby Jesus?”

“No. George.”

“But he’s already dead.”

“Dad?”

“Yes son.”

“They just have to grow babies to be Kings. Is that it?”

“Pretty much. That’s Constitutional Monarchy for you, son.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Who’s Scar, then?”