We’ve been watching Bond films over Christmas: time to introduce a young man to espionage and glamour with some pretty great music and (mostly) lovely tailoring, not to mention powerful gun-metal grey cars. This report is subbed by Dad only for grammar and spelling: the original intelligence is verbatim to source!

James Bond is amazing. He is a secret agent who works for M in MI6. 

M is the boss of all the agents and she is like a head mistress who gives everyone their orders and assignments.  M is driven around in a very nice big Jaguar that goes too fast like Dad’s but Dad’s doesn’t have blue lights although that would be epic. 

James Bond has grey hair and he kills people.  Not all people but just bad people. He is allowed to do this because he has a licence to kill and he is called 007.  He gets into really bad situations. 

He does lots of smooching and when these bits come on I fast forward it and watch the rest of the movie. 

He drives an Aston Martin car and he dresses in a suit and tie with a white shirt and cuffinks with black oxford shoes. And a white hanky.  Dad says the other Bonds’ suits fitted them better and he’s always grumping that Daniel Craig picked up a smaller man’s suits.

In Skyfall Bond and a baddy, Mr Silva, get into a big row and then Silva comes in a helicopter with really annoying music, and with bad guys holding machine guns.  Then he gets stabbed in the back.  Bond wins in the end but M dies which is sad, but then there is a new M called Mallory who dresses like my Dad in oldy sort of smart suits and he is good too. 

In SPECTRE there is a big chase with fast cars and it’s all about a special ring with a spider on it.  Bond goes all smoochy with a blonde lady and Mam says I shouldn’t go near blonde ladies.

My favourite bits of Bond films are the big battles, more than the smoochy ladies and the fast cars.  I think I want to be a secret agent. MI6 exists in real life but I bet it isn’t totally like the Bond films.